By Siyona Varghese
At age six, children are filled with curiosity, energy, and strong emotions. They’re learning how to manage impulses, make choices, and behave in ways that are respectful of others. But this doesn’t always come naturally especially when they’re excited, frustrated, or tired. That’s where self-control comes in.
Self-control is a critical life skill that helps children pause before acting, consider consequences, and make thoughtful decisions. It’s not something they’re born with it’s something they learn with guidance, patience, and practice.
Why Self-Control Is Hard at Age Six
At six years old, the parts of the brain responsible for self-regulation especially the prefrontal cortex are still developing. That means even though children may know the rules, they might still struggle to follow them consistently. Acting on impulse is part of being a young child.
You might notice your child:
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Grabbing a toy without asking
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Interrupting conversations
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Saying something hurtful out of frustration
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Running off in a crowded place
These are all signs of underdeveloped self-control not bad behavior.
Why It Matters
Learning self-control helps children:
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Navigate social situations
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Solve problems peacefully
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Make safer decisions
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Succeed in school and life
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Build stronger relationships
It’s also linked to long-term outcomes like better mental health, academic achievement, and resilience.
How Parents and Teachers Can Help
Here are simple, effective ways to help six-year-olds build self-control:
Practice Waiting
Waiting is a foundational self-control skill. Start with small, manageable waits:
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“We’ll go to the park after lunch.”
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“You can talk as soon as I finish this sentence.”
Use timers or visuals if needed. Praise their effort:
“Nice job waiting your turn!”
Use Role-Play
Act out tricky scenarios:
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What to do if someone takes your toy
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How to respond when you’re angry
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How to wait in line
Let them practice using words instead of actions. This builds both empathy and control.
Teach Calm-Down Techniques
Show your child what to do before they explode:
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Take three deep breaths
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Count to 10
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Squeeze a stress ball
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Use words like “I feel mad” or “I need space”
Create a calm-down corner with soft items, books, or calming visuals.
Set Clear Limits And Follow Through
Kids feel more in control when they know what to expect. Be consistent with rules and consequences. Instead of yelling, calmly say:
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“You chose to keep yelling, so now it’s quiet time.”
Predictability helps children link actions to outcomes.
Praise Self-Control When You See It
Catch them doing well:
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“You waited your turn so patiently!”
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“You were upset, but you took a deep breath. That’s awesome.”
Positive reinforcement encourages repeat behavior.
Model It Yourself
Children learn best by watching adults. If you get upset, name your feelings and show how you handle them:
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“I’m frustrated, so I’m going to take a break and breathe.”
This shows them that it’s okay to have big feelings and that they don’t have to act on them right away.
Play Games That Build Self-Regulation
Simple games help develop impulse control:
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Red Light, Green Light
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Simon Says
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Freeze Dance
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“Don’t Wake the Dragon” (stay quiet and still!)
These games turn practice into play.
Building a Lifelong Skill
Remember: self-control isn’t learned in a day. It’s something that develops over time, especially when children feel safe, supported, and understood. Six-year-olds are capable of incredible growth when given tools, guidance, and positive feedback.
Final Thoughts
Teaching self-control is not about forcing children to behave it’s about helping them understand their emotions, consider their choices, and act in ways that reflect kindness and responsibility. When we help six-year-olds pause, think, and choose wisely, we’re giving them the foundation for confident, respectful, and thoughtful living.
Start small. Be patient. And celebrate progress because every deep breath, every calm choice, every “I’ll wait my turn” is a step toward self-mastery.
