By Siyona Varghese
The ability to discriminate between needs and wants is just not developed yet in children between the ages of 3 and 6. As a result, they sometimes act as though they’re attempting to push you away. This can indicate that they are more in need of your help than before. You may be able to assist your child more effectively if you recognize the underlying causes of their attention-seeking behaviour.
The Root Cause
Children want your attention naturally since they rely on adults for stability and care. Although you may want kids to behave well always, given their age and developmental stage they would misbehave sometimes. Note that it is normal and it is also normal for a child to seek attention. It should concern you only if a child’s conduct becomes out of control. A child my seem out of control for a variety of causes including problems in their upbringing or environment. Their conduct might also be impacted by a brain-based difference.
Here are some helpful strategies for dealing with a child that constantly demands attention:
Reinforce Good behaviour: Rewarding them for good behaviour is the most effective approach to encourage good behaviour. Compliment them on most things, big or small, they do well (1). Compliment them in a way that they understand why you are complimenting. Avoid empty appreciation.
Spend time with your kids: Parents sometimes mistakenly believe that they are spending all of their time taking care of their children because they do chores like washing their clothes, cooking their meals, making their beds, sending them off to school etc. However, while these fundamental activities are wonderful, children need you to play with them and give them direct attention. Children also need to be mentally and emotionally stimulated. Make sure you spend a lot of quality time reading, playing and conversing with your children.
Be Compassionate: Empathy must be used while addressing the issue of unwanted conduct with young children. You don’t have to fully comprehend their behaviour to be empathetic. An understanding touch and a friendly smile go a long way.
It can be an absolute challenge to maintain kindness and empathy when the kids act rude. However, remind yourself that they are only kids. Once you are aware of their developmental maturity, you will be able to better comprehend what they can and cannot handle.
Explain what is an emergency and what is not: Give your children some guidance on how to distinguish between a real emergency that requires your quick response and something they want but isn’t a top priority. Here’s a simple tip: make sure you have a clear plan that enables your children to communicate when something is actually significant. Children will learn to distinguish between a genuine emergency and someone simply needing your attention by developing a catchphrase they may use in an actual emergency (such as, “code red”).
Communicate: It’s possible that they feel “not good enough” in their academic subjects at school, so they “act up” to mask how they truly feel, which is not good enough. Communicate with them about how you can boost their academic performance or give them more self-assurance in the topics they are finding tough. If necessary, find ways to support them. Discover easy ways to build their confidence, such as talking to their teacher or playing some memory games for a few minutes while driving to school(2). Let them also know under-performance is okay sometimes.
Avoid yelling: When children won’t stop crying or you’re exhausted and at your wit’s end, it can be quite tempting to bring your emotional reactions down to their level. When you feel like you could lose control and snap, try to have a strategy in place for getting away from the situation. If they don’t stop acting up for attention, tell them: “I need to take a 5-minute time-out as you won’t stop crying.” Once you feel calm enough to handle the kids, return to your quiet space and practice some deep breathing and relaxation techniques. If you need a break, ensure the child is left in another adult’s care.
Make sure they don’t feel guilty: Many parents experience chronic fatigue and overwork as a result of juggling the demands of their children, and life in general. As a result, it can be tempting to use our challenges such as a demanding job, an unpleasant encounter with a neighbor, or a disagreement with our partner to guilt our children into acting well.
But our children shouldn’t be exposed to the problems we adults experience. Kids already feel enough stress and worry on their own; it’s unfair to subject them to more stress. Although it’s okay for them to be aware of how worn out you are, you should avoid discussing all the specific details.
Don’t assume: Many parents panic when their children exhibit attention-seeking habits while in fact, the issue is not a serious one. It’s normal for most children to act out at some point during their development. It doesn’t necessarily imply that they have a problem. Expecting this behaviour in children and responding to it with appropriate consequences will help you educate kids how to behave appropriately when they’re sad or want attention (3).
Bottom line: Children often engage in attention-seeking behaviour. Some young kids behave a certain way because they don’t know how to express their demands in a calmer way. There are various ways of supporting the kids, even if you don’t understand their reasons.
It is crucial to focus on your relationship with your children as it is one of the most essential ways to meet their requirements. Their cornerstone for living a healthy life will be creating a strong and supportive bond.
References
- https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-about-attention-seeking-kids#recap
- https://sueatkinsparentingcoach.com/2020/05/what-to-do-if-you-have-an-attention-seeking-child/
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4415806/
