By Siyona Varghese
As parents and caregivers, it’s natural to want to protect our children from struggle. When a 5-year-old frowns at a puzzle, spills a drink, or wrestles with frustration over tying a shoelace, the urge to step in and “fix it” is strong. But while helping can sometimes be necessary, hovering too often can rob children of the chance to develop one of the most important life skills: problem-solving.
At age five, children are eager to explore the world, test their abilities, and find solutions. They are learning to think independently, make choices, and manage simple tasks on their own. Our job isn’t to eliminate every obstacle — it’s to guide them just enough so they can learn to handle obstacles themselves.
Why Problem-Solving Matters at This Age
By five, a child’s brain is rapidly developing in areas linked to decision-making, planning, and self-regulation. The prefrontal cortex — responsible for executive functions like attention, reasoning, and impulse control — is becoming more active. This is the perfect window to begin teaching problem-solving in everyday situations.
Encouraging problem-solving at this age helps children:
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Build confidence in their own abilities
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Develop persistence and resilience
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Improve critical thinking and reasoning
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Learn emotional regulation and patience
When children are allowed to struggle a little, think creatively, and try different approaches, they’re not just learning how to solve the problem in front of them — they’re learning how to approach challenges in general.
Signs You Might Be Hovering Instead of Helping
You may be hovering if you often:
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Step in to finish tasks before your child asks
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Offer solutions before they’ve had time to try
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Re-do things they’ve already done (like refolding clothes or “fixing” a drawing)
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Correct their approach when it’s different from yours even if it’s working
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Speak for them in social situations instead of letting them express themselves
These actions come from a place of love, but over time, they can send the message: “You can’t do this on your own.” That message, even unspoken, can make a child feel anxious or dependent.
How to Encourage Problem-Solving in 5-Year-Olds
1. Give Time and Space
When your child faces a small challenge, pause before stepping in. Watch how they approach it and give them time to try different solutions. Silence may feel uncomfortable, but it gives space for thinking.
2. Ask Guiding Questions Instead of Giving Answers
Instead of solving the problem, help your child think it through.
Try questions like:
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“What do you think we should do next?”
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“What might happen if we try this?”
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“Have you seen anyone else solve something like this?”
3. Let Them Struggle — A Little
A bit of frustration is okay. It teaches perseverance. If they’re clearly overwhelmed, offer encouragement rather than solutions.
Say: “This is tricky, but I know you’re figuring it out.”
4. Praise the Process, Not Just the Result
When your child solves a problem — or even makes a good attempt — focus on the effort and thinking involved.
Say: “You tried three different ways to stack those blocks before they balanced. That was smart thinking!”
5. Use Everyday Moments as Practice
You don’t need elaborate lessons. Everyday situations are perfect for teaching problem-solving:
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A spilled cup: “What do we need to clean it up?”
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Missing shoe: “Where have you looked already? Where else can we try?”
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Friend conflict: “What do you think might help fix the problem?”
6. Model Problem-Solving Out Loud
Children learn by example. When you face a small issue, talk through your thought process.
Example: “Hmm, the button popped off my shirt. I could sew it later. But what should I wear instead? Maybe my blue shirt.”
When to Step In
There’s a difference between letting a child learn and leaving them overwhelmed. If a problem involves safety, escalating frustration, or emotional distress, step in with calm support. But even then, involve your child in the solution.
Say: “I see this is getting too hard right now. Let’s take a break and figure it out together.”
Final Thoughts
Supporting problem-solving in 5-year-olds is about striking a balance between guidance and independence. When we let go of perfection and embrace the learning process, we allow children to become confident, resourceful, and resilient thinkers.
By resisting the urge to hover, and choosing instead to coach, question, and cheer from the sidelines, we give children the greatest gift of all — the belief that they can figure things out, one problem at a time.
