Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.
Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology
Introduction
Understanding how to handle children’s tantrums is crucial for parents since it will ease their stress and encourage youngsters to behave well. Temper tantrums are accepted as a typical and frequent occurrence in early childhood, and yet they frequently cause parental discomfort. They are a common reason why parents seek help for their children’s mental health. Tantrums can happen as young as twelve months old, although they most frequently happen between the ages of two and three.
Why do children throw tantrums?
A tantrum is an expression of a young child’s frustration with her restrictions or anger about not being able to get her own way. Possibly your child is having trouble figuring something out or finishing a task. Maybe your child doesn’t have the words to express his or her feelings. Frustration might cause an outburst, resulting in a temper tantrum.
If your child is hungry, tired, feeling ill, or needs a changeover, her threshold for frustration is likely to be lesser and a tantrum is more likely to occur.
When is a temper tantrum not normal?
After the age of four, it is crucial to seek professional advice and correct this behaviour if tantrum episodes become more frequent, disrupt the child’s routine, cause harm to the child or others, or include holding one’s breath to the point of fainting.
Stages of a temper tantrum
A tantrum episode can be divided into three stages and understanding these stages will help you to manage future episodes effectively.
Stage 1: Screaming, yelling, crying and whining
Stage 2: Falling on the ground, continuously screaming, stamping on the ground, rolling on the ground
Stage 3: Whining continuously
Prevention of Tantrums
- Prevention is better than cure: Prevention is the best way to handle frequent and recurrent temper tantrums, therefore trying to alleviate common triggers of temper tantrums such as fatigue, hunger, illness or injury can be helpful.
- Be consistent: Create a daily schedule for your child so that they know what to expect. Maintain a schedule that balances enjoyable activities with ample rest and a nutritious diet as much as you can.
- Let your child make appropriate choices: Give your kid a say in little things. Refrain from turning down everything. Would you prefer to read a book or construct a tower out of blocks, for instance?
- Appreciate good behaviour: Children require regular encouragement and positive reinforcement. When your child demonstrates restraint, acknowledge them. Give your child more attention when they behave nicely. When your child follows instructions, give him or her a hug or express your pride in them.
- Make agreements: Make sure you communicate your expectations regarding their behaviour with your child. Make agreements with them regarding their demands (e., what is allowed and what is not allowed) and remind them repeatedly.
Parenting a tantrum-prone child
There are times when parents and caregivers cannot avoid a tantrum but can minimize their stress by practicing consistent management strategies. Parents must adopt certain principles to manage a child’s temper tantrum behaviour. The abbreviation R.I.D.D. can help parents and caregivers handle a typical tantrum.
- Remain calm and act as an example: It is advantageous to take a calm, redirecting, and distracting attitude. In a normal tone, say firmly “no biting.” Explain your guidelines in a calm manner once your child has calmed down.
- Ignore the tantrum: Some children throw tantrums to seek attention. Try ignoring the tantrum, but pay attention to your child after she calms down. Spend quality time with your child so she doesn’t have to seek attention.
- Distract the child: Take your child to a quiet place where she can calm down safely. Speak softly or play soft music.
- Say “yes”: Yield to a child’s demands when necessary to the child’s physical and safety needs, but resist pressure to comply at other times. If you yield every time, it could encourage undesirable conduct.
Do not use physical punishment as it may lead to tantrum behaviour that is more serious or persistent. Physical punishment teaches a child that it is acceptable to hit someone when they are angry or irritated.
Managing Tantrums based on stages
Stage 1: Screaming, yelling, crying, and whining
Move: Take the child to a different place. Take your child to a quiet place where he or she can calm down safely. Speak softly or play soft music.
Distract: Young children have a brief attention span. Use it and try to divert the child and offer something else. Involve them in a different activity and take the child away from the environment of the tantrum.
Negotiate: Provide an alternative to what the child is asking/wanting.
Stage 2: Falling to the ground, continuing to scream, stamping on the floor, and rolling on the ground
In order to prevent a child from hurting themselves, make sure that there is adequate room. Avoid focusing on or responding to the child’s attention-seeking behaviour.
Stage 3: Continues to whine
Sooth and console the child physically. The child may feel more safe and defuse a tantrum more quickly if you hold them.
Give the kid different toys or activities to try.
What if my child becomes destructive or dangerous?
If a tantrum worsens, remove your child from the situation immediately especially if it could become dangerous. Sooth her by showing tenderness and understanding. Divert her attention. Some people prefer timeouts but note that timeouts should be done in the spirit of providing a safe space to the child to calm down rather than as a punishment. If you want to impose a timeout, consider the following:
- Timeout is not a punishment: Don’t make the child feel that timeout is a punishment. Rather, make it a safe place where she can cool down.
- Select a timeout spot: Make your kid sit in a dull spot, like a chair in the living room or the floor in the hallway. Hold off until your child has calmed down. Show that you love and care for her. Sooth her. Consider giving your child a timeout for one minute for each year of age.
- Stick with it: If your child starts to walk around before the timeout is over, return her to the designated timeout spot, while showing her that you care for her.
- Know when to end the timeout: Discuss the purpose of the timeout and why the behaviour was improper with your child once they have calmed down. Go back to your regular activities after that. However, don’t overuse timeouts or they won’t be effective.
In these challenging times, make sure to create an environment of positivity at home to try to make children feel happy and relaxed. Take care of yourself too – because if you are happy, your family will be happy.
