By Siyona Varghese
At four years old, your child is stepping into one of the most exciting and heartwarming stages of early childhood real friendships. You may notice your little one starting to form preferences for certain playmates, expressing a desire for playdates, or even saying things like, “She’s my best friend.” These social milestones are more than just cute—they reflect deep developmental growth. But how do children go from side-by-side play to truly connecting with others?
Let’s explore how 4-year-olds develop socially and how you can support them in building strong, healthy relationships.
What Is Parallel Play—And Why It Matters
Before age four, most children engage in parallel play playing next to other kids without much interaction. Think of two toddlers in the same sandbox, each building their own castle without talking or cooperating. While this may seem like “not playing together,” it’s a critical step in social development.
Through parallel play, children:
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Observe how others behave
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Learn boundaries and personal space
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Get used to being around peers
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Pick up language and social cues
By the time they reach four, children begin to move from parallel play to cooperative play, where true friendships start to blossom.
How 4-Year-Olds Make Friends
Social interactions at this age become more intentional and emotionally driven. Children start to:
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Show preferences for certain peers
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Engage in group play (like building a fort together or playing “house”)
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Negotiate and take turns
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Experience empathy they might comfort a crying friend or get upset if someone is hurt
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Express hurt feelings and start understanding the concept of fairness
These changes come with lots of trial and error. Conflicts are common—who gets the red crayon, who gets to be the “mom” in pretend play—but these disagreements are opportunities for children to learn problem-solving and emotional regulation.
Big Emotions, Little Conflicts
Even though their friendships are forming, 4-year-olds are still learning how to manage their feelings and navigate complex social situations. You might hear phrases like:
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“I don’t want to be your friend anymore!”
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“He’s not sharing!”
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“She hurt my feelings!”
These are not signs of poor behavior—they’re signs of a child learning how relationships work. They are testing emotional boundaries and figuring out what friendship feels like.
You can support this learning by:
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Helping name emotions: “It sounds like you felt left out.”
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Modeling problem-solving: “What could you say if your friend takes your toy?”
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Reinforcing empathy: “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
Fostering Friendship Skills at Home
The home is the first and safest place where social and emotional skills are developed. Here’s how you can encourage healthy friendship-building:
Organize Playdates
Small, one-on-one playdates help 4-year-olds practice focused social interaction without overwhelming group dynamics.
Role-Play Scenarios
Use dolls or action figures to act out social situations like taking turns, apologizing, or inviting someone to play.
Read Books About Friendship
Stories that involve sharing, kindness, and teamwork help kids understand social dynamics and relate to characters.
Teach Conflict Resolution
Guide them through disagreements rather than stepping in immediately. Phrases like “Use your words,” “Take a deep breath,” or “Let’s take turns” empower them to handle situations on their own.
Model Kindness and Inclusion
Children copy what they see. Show them how to treat others with respect, and they’ll bring that behavior into their friendships.
Why Friendships Matter at This Age
Early friendships have a lasting impact. They help children:
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Develop communication skills
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Build self-esteem and a sense of belonging
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Learn about compromise, fairness, and empathy
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Practice emotional expression and regulation
Most importantly, friendships teach children that they are part of a social world—a world where their actions and words affect others, and where they can feel supported, seen, and valued.
In Conclusion
From the quiet side-by-side moments of parallel play to giggly inside jokes and best-friend bracelets, the social journey of a 4-year-old is full of growth. As they take their first steps toward real friendship, your support, patience, and gentle guidance will help them build the skills they need to form lasting and meaningful relationships. After all, the playground dramas and playdate joys of today are the foundation for the empathy, cooperation, and confidence they’ll carry into tomorrow.
